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| Volunteer Do-Las practice their encouraging moves in preparation for Do It Day. |
A coalition of Takoma Park moms, upset at the near-elimination of alternative birthing options since the midwives were
forced to leave, has announced plans to make their labor cries heard all the way in Annapolis. Inspired by "nurse in" protest
events staged by breastfeeding mothers, the group has announced Monday, Sept. 3 -- Labor Day -- as Maryland Birth Day, to
be celebrated with a "birth in" at the Maryland state house. "Women should be able to give birth however and wherever
they feel safe," said Tina Bradley, the group's spokesperson. "These politicians in Annapolis need to see the whole bloody
show of options." The group estimates that at least 50 women will be on hand to give birth on the steps of the statehouse
in Annapolis, based on participation in December's precursor event "Do It Day."... (read more)
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| There's a new kid on the chopping block at Slaughter's feedlot-petting zoo. |
TAKOMA PARK—The
Old Town Business Association has announced that the long-vacant site of the former Taliano’s pizzeria is soon to become
a bustling regional attraction: The nation’s first slaughterhouse-restaurant. Appropriately named “Slaughter,”
the venture is a partnership of the Takoma Park-Silver Spring Food Co-op, the Takoma Park Farmers’ Market, and the two-year-old
local newspaper, the Takoma Pork.
The slaughter-to-table concept was inspired by the success of the brew-pub movement, according to
owner Larry Sanders. “People have been flocking to brew-pubs for years now, paying a premium for local microbrews. We’re
just bringing in OUR flock of micro-cattle to reach an as yet untapped market.” The restaurant will prepare only
miniature breeds due to limited downtown acreage suitable for grazing....(read more)
Vice President Dick Cheney underwent emergency quadruple bypass
surgery yesterday after becoming ill during a state dinner. A spokesman for Washington Adventist Hospital said that the surgery
went well and held no surprises, though surgeons were unable to find the Vice President’s heart. “We spent four
hours searching Cheney’s chest cavity, and all we got was this lousy Nerf ball,” said cardiac surgeon Paul Johnson.
The surgical team believes Cheney’s heart has atrophied, but they do not know how the Nerf ball ended up in the Vice
President. Beginning in July, the Nerf ball will be on exhibit at the National Museum of Health and Medicine, located on the
campus of Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Cheney’s spokesman said the Vice President had no comment and will be vacationing
in the Emerald City for the remainder of the summer.
Mary Cheney, daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, broke
a lengthy public silence with an interview in this week’s People
magazine. Mary Cheney told People that her parents
have finally come to terms with her choice of life partner and have fully embraced her growing family. As a gesture of good
will, Mary Cheney said, Dick and Lynn Cheney have offered to pay for a sex change operation for her partner, Heather Poe. President Bush has ramped up his criticism of the genocide in Sudan, announcing that he will send U.S. troops to
bring an end to the killing. According to a high-ranking military official, the forces will be made up of school security
guards. “They’re on summer break, and the rest of our armed forces are, you know, otherwise occupied,” the
official said. Deputy Barney Fife will come out of retirement to lead the new peacekeeping force. The Takoma Pork won a coveted Azalea Award at this year’s red carpet gala sponsored by the Takoma Foundation
and the Takoma Voice. China has named this the Year of the Pig in honor of the satirical newspaper, which President Hu Jintao
has called “a model of truth in journalism."
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